The BRCA Diaries Vol 5
15 days post op.
I was going to wait to write until after my 2nd follow up with Dr. Van Pelt today, but feel like I should share today's thoughts in two parts.
BEFORE THE APPT
I am 99% sure I am getting my first fill today and will NOT be having my drains removed yet. This whole last week, I've been having major pain in one localized spot under my left breast, but yesterday it got much better, so I'm guessing that if I tore something internal, perhaps it has healed... Now I just feel... tightness. I'm very excited about having the tape bras removed, and then hopefully approved to wear an actual bra. Let me tell you THAT has been the craziest thing for me, who previously NEVER went bra-less (even at night I never did until the past few years). I haven't worn a bra in 15 days! Whoa!
My anxiety is pretty high right now and I can't really pinpoint why. Maybe it is because I'm having a shit hair day. Ha! My boobs are deflated and look gross, so a fill is headed in the right direction at getting them back where they *should* at least look good... but I guess, what if they DONT? What if I did this to save my life (still would do it again) but I look deformed forever? I know this is irrational bc my PS is awesome and I've seen so many before/afters that look great, its just hard to sort out these thoughts internally. I've heard the fills are not painful, so I just really don't know what my deal is.
Also, I can't wait to sleep on my stomach.
AFTER THE APPT:
Anxiety for no reason. I asked a billion extra questions today, for peace of mind and just to learn more of this process. The expanders were filled with 300cc of saline during surgery. I obviously knew they were a little filled up, but didn't know how much. I also had forgotten to ask if they were filled with air or liquid... apparently this is a personal preference of the surgeon. Also - if you are curious - this is what an expander looks like. I do not know if this is exactly what mine look like, but similar -- triangular shaped, hard plastic.
I recorded the fill (100cc today) - it was much less exciting than I anticipated. I didn't feel a thing. You can watch over on my instagram.
I'm cleared to wear a bra now, so that's fun. Also, my right nipple is totally healed, no scabs! The left keeps wanting to bleed, so still keeping an eye on that. My incisions look amazing - finally got to actually see them today.
During surgery, they removed 960 grams of breast tissue, and so far I have 800 cc of saline in the expanders. I plan on going to the same size as before, so I'll have at least one more fill, next week!
That's all for now.
Peace & Love,